her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
