I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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