found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My penis needs a shock collar
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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