ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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