Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
