is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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