9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
