watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
