Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
