I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
