My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
