grandma shit on top of the toilet
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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