i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize