The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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