the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
