she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
