You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
