Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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