im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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