she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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