these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
