you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why did my mother make you get naked?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
