Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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