I hate all girls vehemently.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
