so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
