yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
