Where are you?
In a non slutty way
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
