white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.