I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
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Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina