her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor