im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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