Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
being pregnant is like rehab
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked