I wish I could punch you in the face.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?