Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.

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  (724): I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass. http://tfl.nu/otet
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"

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  (262): i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???" http://tfl.nu/nk2u
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.

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  (978): your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop. http://tfl.nu/x1i9
  Replies (12) Good night (5218) Bad night (821)
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  (212): View more from New York

  your tears are not going to buy me drinks...

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  (212): your tears are not going to buy me drinks... http://tfl.nu/o6xp
  Replies (14) Good night (1004) Bad night (3617) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?

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  (502): Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels? http://tfl.nu/vpae
  Replies (12) Good night (1089) Bad night (3787) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special

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  (941): I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special http://tfl.nu/g9sh
  Replies (11) Good night (5706) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"

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  (636): the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking" http://tfl.nu/px7k
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.

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  (251): I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts. (478): Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions. http://tfl.nu/kp4v
  Replies (13) Good night (2789) Bad night (992)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny

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  (920): just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny http://tfl.nu/f2gi
  Replies (39) Good night (2049) Bad night (7160) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.

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  (920): He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer. http://tfl.nu/1gb8
  Replies (1) Good night (1578) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs

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  (307): i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs http://tfl.nu/99qm
  Replies (9) Good night (3237) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd

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  (940): Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd http://tfl.nu/3aq9
  Replies (5) Good night (2473) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.

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  (403): I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable. http://tfl.nu/k33a
  Replies (5) Good night (1599) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat

  (1-631): View more from New York

  I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness

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  (631): She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat (1-631): I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness http://tfl.nu/blnl
  Replies (4) Good night (1014) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building

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  (509): We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building http://tfl.nu/j4tq
  Replies (1) Good night (625) Bad night (218) Order T-Shirt

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