dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME