so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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