I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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