I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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