I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
