i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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