he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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