Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
