The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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