Soap is not a condiment
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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