White coat. Heels.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
