If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
