im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
