apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize