She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
