AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
