it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
