is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
