i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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