Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
