I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
