i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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