I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
