omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize