Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
