I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
