i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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