just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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