You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
