Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
