I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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