I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
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She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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