and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize