rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
