Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
