So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
