I wannas sexs uuuuu
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
