While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
